Bring in the clowns

After a week of what seemed to be the springing of spring, I woke up to snow on Thursday morning. I woke up to snow, walked to school in the rain, watched the snow fall outside my window for one period, changing back into rain the next and so on and so forth until I got back to my apartment from dinner that night only to watch a movie by the light and sound of the craziest thunder and lightening I have been a part of. I turned to my roommate and joked, "God must surely be in this place...and we know it!"

It seems like a circus right now...in one ring there is the everyday aspect of school and hebrew that consumes many hours of my day. And, while I am not sure that the work load causes me to lose sleep at night, I do know that the hours invested in the classes I am taking right now fill a good portion of my time.

In another ring, there are all the things working in Israel that are no school related that I feel are under a time crunch as I enter the final two months of my time here. The friends I want to spend time with, the things I still want to do, the juggling and,trying to find a balance between time shared with friendly faces in the form of visitors embarking upon Jerusalem for a short while coupled with the time that I want to crawl into my bubble of life here before it is punctured and the molecules of the experience float out in the greater context of my life and this journey I am one.

And, in the third ring, is my return home, just on the horizon. I booked my ticket to return home for the end of May. Already, my first week home looks exactly like a life that I have missed so much this year. Family, weddings, music, friends...all of these things have me itching for that time, while I still look around and realize that I can't sacrifice a moment here and turn to home too soon. Decisions as to what to do with my time this summer, how to create a recipe for time well spent and time in which I do something worthwhile pay back and forth like a ping long game and I am just waiting to see what wins out, hoping that I already have put it together and am just waiting for things to fall into place.

If my daily life and actions are a circus than my thoughts are the clowns; all dressed up in crazy outfits, working their ways around teasing and bantering and entertaining. And they are definitely dressed up in silly outfits that make everyone crazy, including me, the ringleader.

I'm trying to enjoy it. After all, minus my friend Jackie's deathly fear of clowns, they are highly entertaining and in the long run mean no harm. I think that with the way in which my time here is just part of a larger picture that leads to life in Los Angeles...Jerusalem to La La land...and then but also knowing that the structure of the life I have gotten used to living in...a life in Jerusalem with friends and day to day that mirrors the time spent here...it comes to an end...this experience will be just a memory and I will now begin an entirely new journey, although it is just another segment on a longer trip I'm travelling.

Purim came and went. People dressed up and danced in the street. Last night we had 30 people over for Shabbat dinner and tomorrow the 220 mile bike ride to raise money for progressive Judaism which in the end I am not riding on, but have put in more than a lot of hours planning, coordinating, planning morning services and D'vrei Torah to deliver have allowed me to feel as much a part of the ride, even if I will be driving the car while the others bike up Mt. Tur'an. It's felt good to get back into my programming and planning self, calling resturaunts and Kibbutzim to let them know our final numbers, not to mention falling into a position where I am all of a suddent the ecpert cheerleader and supporter of the 54 riders I've been corresponding with until this point who have now all descended upon Jerusalem for the big week. I remember to smile, wish them luck, reassure them they can do it...and I don't share that in the end...I would much rather run a marathon than sit on a bicycle seat for 5 days...for what its worth, I still raised the dollars, and I have still put in sweat and hard work for progressive Judaism, but in the midst of this circus...there was not enough hours to train and to plan...and the decision seemed to choose me. It will be a great week and I look forward to encouraging people along the way and there is also still the chance I'll be able to bike along the way.

As time approaches mid-May I realize that this time is moving quickly and more quickly. There are still people to visit, dates on the calendar to share with people here, more holidays in Jerusalem, birthdays, oh yeah...and school.

I believe the circus will continue...the mayhem will ensue...it will remain in a positive light, but my time here will, as it begins to fill more and more finite, will also become much more valuable as I look ahead to a time that I am anxious to get to and excited to enjoy, but know that with its arrival will be the end of a time here that, though I will revisit often, I will never be able to recreate just as it has been this time around.