Little Gross Thoughts

Today is Thursday, four days after everything happened, and I still have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Each day I start to do a little better, and then new information is released. I couldn’t’ sleep last night because every time I closed my eyes I saw the horrendous pictures the media felt the need to release, and all I could think is “this is the last thing my classmates saw.” Maybe the most frustrating part for me is knowing that a person like this, who we all think is “weird” and “quiet” really just wants some friends, and wants people to talk to, but we all think that he doesn’t because he likes to keep to himself. It’s a sick cycle that someone needs to figure out how to break. At some point though, we all have to stop giving this madman the attention he wanted so badly. He wanted us all to be glued to the news for a week straight looking at his pictures and videos being appalled. He knew it would be a couple days before we saw this so called manifesto, he was a smart kid…he knew exactly what he was doing. That being said, I don’t wish to talk about him anymore. I don’t wish to give him the credit and the attention he wanted, and I hope everyone else chooses to focus on how we as the VA Tech community are banding together and moving on, and on those beautiful innocent lives lost, and the families and friends grieving over such a horrific event. I am at a loss of words to convey how blessed I am to be able to write this today, and to be able to write this without any losses, or injuries, to ANY of my close friends. I know of people who lost multiple friends, and I walk away from this tragedy not even having a friend injured. I am blessed. I am blessed not only that I am alive and healthy, but by the outpouring of love and support I have felt from every corner of the globe through this experience. People I have not talked to in over 6 or 7 years are checking in just to say hello, and theyre thinking of us all, and if there is anything they can do, they would in a heartbeat. It’s a pretty amazing thing to feel that much love from people you don’t even know still remember you. The only words I seem to be able to put with my experiences this week have been “strange” “weird” and “bizarre”. Its really odd seeing 350+ world famous news reporters in our little corner of VA. It’s even more odd driving yoru daily route, and doing your daily routine, but it taking 20 minutes longer because there are over 100 television satellites blocking the main roads. Tuesday 4/17 there was a convocation to begin the healing process. We stood in front of our beloved football stadium dressed in our maroon and orange. It felt like a football game but something was terribly wrong. It was a really bizarre feeling that I can’t even describe if I tried. Maybe the most bizarre development for me was when I received a phone call from my best friend who told me that the gunman went to my elementary school, and was in her 5th grade class. How do you put words with the emotion that evokes inside of you? The most ironic part of this experience for me is that my sister has been living in Jerusalem for almost a year now. She left last June, and we all were afraid for her safety, and she and I had many conversations where I half jokingly made her promise me that she would come home safely to me. Never did we think that as I left for this tiny town called Blacksburg that I would have to promise her that I would come home safely to her. I am one of the lucky ones who does get to come home safely, and hug and kiss my family, and tell them I love them, but there are 32 of my schoolmates, who don’t get that chance. If just for today, tell those around you that you love them and they mean something to you. Fix estranged relationships. Be a little more patient. Listen a little closer. Say you can, and not that you can’t. Love, love, and never stop loving. Life is a precious precious gift that can be taken away from you in an instant, and we never know when or where our “instant’ may be. I am blessed, I am thankful, and my love goes out to everyone around me. Today, we are all hokies. -Lindsey Gross