Why life is friendship and the rest is commentary

There is this Jewish saying that 'life is Torah and the rest is just commentary.' Well, there is also this saying that '[Torah] is a tree of life to them that hold fast to it and all who cling to it are happy.' Anyone who knows me, knows I love trees, so this seems like a good starting place.

As I consider this week, and feel like my blogging is starting to fall into a sort of routine, I realize that each week I must find something different that I was less aware of, or looked at from a different vantage point, the week before. After all, the Sabbath is about reflection and contemplation and rejuvenation. So, Mah Nishtanah...why is this [week] different?!

I sit at my computer in Jerusalem and I think about what blogging means. It means I am putting down my thoughts and sending them out to a mass email of people...family, friends, friends of family, family of friends, colleagues, etc and asking them to take a few minutes to read my thoughts, however connected (or disconnected) they may feel from both me as a being and my experience here, in Israel. Every single time, just before I press send to the email alerting of a new blog post, I think...who really wants to read and who really cares?

So, this week, instead of just stopping to reflect on ha'matzav (the situation) here in Israel and in my reality, I want to write for just a little bit on what it is like to be so distant, in miles, from my comfort zone and to feel closer than ever to the loved ones who push me and continually reaffirm their belief in my journey. Each day I come home to emails. I recieve emails from the friends who would email whether we saw eachother every day or not for many many years. Sometimes we'll exchange 6 emails in twenty minutes, as if we are talking live person, but still able to pretend we are focused on work. There are also the emails from my parents friends, who have found my writing and wanted to let me know that they are thinking of me. They want to let me know that my parents are keeping them informed and that even if there are a few degrees of separation, they are in touch with my experience here. And then..well then, there are the people who I continously look up to who take the time to tell me that they look up to my journey just as I look up to theirs.

And, here's my god moment. Afterall, one of the only places I am confidant that the divine exists is in the relationships between people that are unconditional and built on love. I sit at my computer every night and write to this abyss of the world wide web and it seems faceless. I feel miles and oceans away from so many of the conversations that have brought me clarity just to get to this point. Then, I stop, and I sometimes wonder...what the hell am I doing here? Everything I know and love is all the way back there! And then, I wake up to an email. An email from a friend...a few emails from a few different friends, and they tell me that I am no longer just doing this for me...I am doing it for them, our communities, our futures, our experiences that are in need of some soul searching, adventure and perhaps even a little bit of fear. I sit back and remember...I would never have found this alone...from my family, to my frineds, and beyond...I am partially here because of each person who told me...they thought I could do it...especially when I have thought I could not.

I'm sitting here this week counting all my blessings, and realizing that if I am not in Kansas right now...or Chantilly...or Owings Mills...or even the Lower Haight...home is in my heart more than ever before and it is continues to push me. When I sit at my computer and question what this experience is worth, I remember the people who have told me...I dont know how I feel about Judaism, but if you are a Rabbi, I'll be there. I think about my offer from a friend to be the brotherhood president and hold Texas Hold'Em fundraising tournaments so that everyone will not only participate, but be happy being part of something that means something to them and helps other people. I think about the fact that very few people are as blessed as my friends to have so so many creative minds and souls within their circles and I realize that we are already a spiritual community and want to raise eachother to higher levels.

And, I remain here...in the land that is so saturated with history you can feel it. I havent driven a car in 2 months. I just recieved a box that I mailed before I left home in June. I'm praying daily that this cease-fire in the north is not just going to keep but might actually lead to a reality that proves this recent war and the large number of deaths may not have been in vein. And, I keep being fed by you...the people I love. Everytime I get an email and hear about life contiuing as I love and miss it, I am reminded that the beauty of freedom is that we can all pursue our dreams. We are able to go out and reach for stars and, though there are no guaruntees (bli neder my hebrew teacher would day) by reaching for them...we may just touch them...or become them.

Shabbat..the day of rest...and day of thanks...given to us each week to be with ourselve and those we love...and I realize...I'm an incredibly blessed person on this earth...I have more people pushing me and reaffirming the things they know that I sometimes forget. If Torah is love and love is friendship, than I believe that perhaps, life is friendship...and the rest may just be commentary supporting that love and friendship are really all you need.

Shabbat Shalom.